I’m sure I’ve already lost readers from the title alone. Before I explain, let me ask a few questions…
Ladies, how many times have you gone through a break up feeling defeated? How many times did you wonder what went wrong [because it seemed so perfect]? How many times did you TRY versus DOING during the relationship? If your confusion skyrocketed with my last question, it’s because you have no idea how a relationship works.
I can tell you “perfect” is an endeavor, not a “relationship-right”. It is not an object that can stand on its own while you run around eating froyo with your partner all lovey-dovey. Sometimes you need to use your (lubricated?) elbow grease and WORK at this entity you both decided to become. I get it, you want to be treated like a princess, but you also need to do your relationship chores. Here’s a few I’m assigning to you:
Drop the Dramatics (especially on social media)
I wish I didn’t have a heart and could take screenshots of all the hashtags I see about people going through a fight or breakup. They’re embarrassing. Instead of needlessly expressing what’s on your mind, call your partner. Isn’t it strange to you that your esthetician knows what’s really going on in your head, instead of your boyfriend? If he flirted with a girl at a party and you tweet “I FEEL SO INVISIBLE #notfair #overit”, that doesn’t exactly fix the resentment you have for your boyfriend. He may also think you’re crazy, and ladies, you don’t want to reveal that so quickly…
I once read on a flyer in college, “Assumptions are the terminates of relationships.” It’s cheesy, but holds a valid point. People (especially males) are NOT mind readers. A relationship of assumptions results too often in resentment and bad moods. I assumed he was going to do THIS, but he thought it was better to do THAT! UGH! Take a chill pill and make a point to smooth out the details before an outing or even where you stand on personal issues. Once that happens, you’ll be able to spot any future problems and attack those suckers with…wait for it…SOLUTIONS. I know, planning ahead and communicating seem like chores, but who wants a fun evening (or lifetime) ruined because you both thought your soulmate-minds could read the other’s? You are still separate human beings, so act like it and take verbal precautions.
Treat Each Other Like Adults
Let him have female friends. Keep your male friends. Here’s a crazy idea — invite them all to the same party! New relationships start and people get jealous (I’m talking friends, too), but you’re only going to make it worse if you don’t trust a little. If something’s bothering you, speak up like every human should! You can still trust your partner and be uncomfortable in situations without sounding like a bitch. It’s all in the approach. Also, don’t give me the excuse that your partner “doesn’t open up” or “doesn’t want to talk about issues”. A guy wants to make his girl happy. If talking about something will get you back to smiling and save him from future fights with you, he is going to listen. Maybe half-listen, whatever, but it’s progress. If he truly refuses to talk or doesn’t care, then he’s a loser and you should find a non-loser. Why would you want to commit to someone who has sucky communication problems, anyway? Because of love? If you love him, then you should accept that aspect of him BEFORE GETTING MARRIED. Bottom line? Marry a guy who acts like an adult, or accept his communication flaws and deal with it.
It’s not a secret relationships are tough. The difference is how much work you actually do to make it less tough. Try all you want, but they say love is a verb, and doing is a hell of a lot more effective than trying. Next time you have a serious fight with your partner, pause your plunge into the emotional black hole and problem solve. I guarantee sacrificing a day of froyo to work at the partnership will prevent a lifetime of resentment and finally give you a “happily ever after”.