Girl, Don’t Be Jelly – Part 2

Part 1 told you not to be a bitchjelly. This post is telling you not to be jealous. My favorite topic!*

I read a fabulous book back in the day called, Skinny Bitch. It’s a blunt, nutritional bible written by two hot (and skinny) women. Sure, the facts on how much cellulite I would get if I kept drinking Diet Coke were fascinating. However, the real inspiration came from the women’s view on other women. In their straightforward way, my skinny bitches said we, as females, should be PROUD of other females who keep their bodies in shape and look great. Just because our fat asses would rather watch Pretty Little Liars for five hours straight doesn’t mean we should degrade the Pilates goddess who lives in our complex (we should actually follow her lead). It’s a rule that stuck with me for two weeks, then I was back to being the “typical female” — giving dirty looks and creating bad traits about girls who, in my eyes, were hotter than me.

Why are these traits of women typical? Let’s break it down. A woman wants to be the hottest, sexiest, and most powerful animal in the land. She also wants her partner to think this (NEWS FLASH: He already does). So when she meets another animal who, by her standards, is hotter, skinner, and nicer (the worst kind), on TOP of her partner noticing these traits — shit gets bad. The red button gets pushed in her anxiety chamber and she can’t remedy these feelings except by killing this chick, which isn’t legal in this country yet. So, what does she do instead? She hates. She picks at the possible flaws in this threat. She gets her tribe to agree at an attempt to restore her ego. Jealousy has won, and our generation is addicted to feeling this way.

Ladies, what you don’t know is you are actually right. That girl IS hotter than you. In those moments of jealousy, you are super gross and ugly. While you think you are boosting your ego and making this “hotter animal” disgusting in your head, SHE IS WINNING! THE WHOLE TIME. (I will say there is the occasion where this girl is also sizing you up, and in that case, you’re both gross.)

But Nina, there will always be hotter girls! How can I get over this?! Darling, you either love yourself, or you don’t. There is no in-between. You may be feeling good about your hair or booty one day, but if a hotter animal comes strutting by at the same time and that red button is pushed again, guess what? You don’t love yourself. At least not enough in the presence of other (attractive) animals. Anyone can love themselves stuck in a room with no one but their partner feeding them compliments for the rest of their lives. You want to be the strong, secure female you claim you are? Smile at the hotter animals. Sincerely compliment them (not the “typical girl” compliments you can do OH so well). And here’s a challenge — invite them out! Once you get to know these girls and they are actually nice (along with normal, a shocker!), I guarantee those jealousy parasites will eat themselves and cease to exist. Act like an adult and stop letting this society-driven beauty contest ruin who you are. If you must get jealous over something, get jealous over a girl’s classy and polite demeanor, something I rarely see in females my age. THAT’S how you get over it.

Now that you know every woman wants to be the hottest animal in the land, let them try. Neither of you are going to win, because we all get wrinkly and fat. Let’s find solace in this inevitable fact and help each other by being less jealous and more beautiful (in the you-are-hot-and-so-am-I kind of way). C’mon, girl, don’t be jelly.

*Strippers are actually my favorite topic, but I haven’t constructed a post I am proud of yet. The suspense is killing you, I know. It will come.

  • Rachael W
    April 10, 2014

    Dying for the stripper post !!! Love you and your posts !!! <3

    • Nina
      April 17, 2014

      It will come soon, my dear!

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