Around the same time last year I had written a post entitled, “How To Ease A Painful Breakup”. In the entry, I wrote a candid list of what you should do to minimize the sucky feelings of a lost lover.
Earlier this year, it was my turn to go through a breakup (not my first rodeo). Did I follow my own advice? Did I take every paragraph to heart and execute the appropriate steps? I did not. (I should probably hire a PR rep.)
I still (truly) believe my original suggestions help significantly, but during this major change at twenty-five, it hit me differently. I realized instead of burying your miseries, there are some you must face…and a breakup is one of them.
This is part two.
The breakup pain. Ease it all you want, but you mustn’t fully escape it. That pain is your life dropping trou and staring back at you. It’s uncomfortable as hell. It’s extremely long (hey-o!). It’s one-hundred-percent vulnerable. It’s also not going anywhere until you admit it exists.
You may think you have numbed Mr. Sucky Pain because you cut off social media communication and changed your address, but he’s still there. Straight chillin’. Once you’ve distracted yourself with pictures of “fun and caring” Libras on dating websites, he will resurface. You’ll cry for an hour, be confident the next, wince at every friend who still converses with your former lover, then go back to crying, again (BTW dudes, it’s okay to cry your alpha hearts out). Do not ignore this. This is your mind telling you something, so welcome all of that complicated garbage. It’s the only way you are going to discover what’s left to learn in this chapter of your life. Don’t be surprised if you wake up one morning and think, “HOLY SHIT, I NOW UNDERSTAND!”, because you will.
Revelations are life’s secret froyos that are only revealed when your appetite for inner knowledge is activated. I know you’ve heard this all before (minus the froyo part), but I’m hoping my fancy blog will get it through your head this time. Accept.Your.Feelings. Open.Yourself.Up. Love.This.Blog–er, what?
Heartbreak, or the loss of a romantic routine, is arguably the most critical time in your life. You are given the choice to erase years of sailing or let the ship set off peacefully without you. Most of us want to sink this rusting piece of metaphoric steel into the ground, forgetting that when you sink the ship, you must go down with it. If you are too busy submerging every day you ever lived with your partner, waiting until the memory renders itself unconscious, how will you ever see the horizon above the waterline?
I can tell you to delete the bastard off Facebook, but it’s not going to make you discover anything about yourself — how you love, how you tolerate, how you use loneliness, how you work on partnerships or how you don’t. These are the realizations, the necessities of growth, that come with facing your pain, not blocking it out forever.
With that said, if you are dead set on flushing someone out of your life and quickly regaining your pride, then do those steps in part one. They work.
…OR if you are at the point where I am, where you are tired of erasing the past and starting over, then let the ship sail. Practice forgiveness — for him AND for you. See what keeping those memories in your life, be it at a distance, actually does. Maybe it will reveal what you need. Maybe you will learn how to love yourself (which I truly hope). Maybe you will discover the whys and the hows. Maybe you will set sail again once the healing process is over and you have truly felt what it means to forgive…
…and when you do, I hope you’ll let me know. I’d like to compare notes.