How To Win Against Your Friends vs. Your Relationship

applesSo you found someone you really click with, who could be the guy. You want to make sure all your friends get to meet him…but then you start to plan group outings, and no one seems to be responding. You have a party, and only your coupled friends show up. Then when you FINALLY see everyone, you try to bring him up in conversations and can hear a pin drop.

So what gives? Why is it when we start a relationship that’s revolutionary, our friend circle shrinks or disappears? In actuality, it could be faults on both ends — you postpone plans to be with your new partner or friends may feel incomplete in their current status. If you swear on your venti mocha latte nothing has changed on your end, then I suggest trying these tips to keep the negative far from your blooming relationship, and conquer anyone who wants to rain on your sexy parade.

Don’t Apologize Or Be Defensive

I’ll say this right now, you deserve to be happy. No matter what you did in past relationships, there is no reason why ANYONE should bring that down with your current partner. If someone is constantly taking your good ideas and spinning them to sound clingy or worthless, you need to send that sister to happy camp. “How do you pay your rent with all these vacations you take together!?” “I can’t believe you sent a birthday card to his mother! After three months? Wow.” “Are you really going to surprise him at work? Isn’t that cheesy?” After hearing this nonsense, I’m guessing you’d want to fiercely prove just how great your boyfriend is by going on the defense. Don’t. Politely smile and joke, “Yeah, we’re pretty gross, aren’t we?” You don’t need to explain your happiness to anyone who doesn’t want to hear it. If you know how special you feel with your man, that’s all that matters. Don’t apologize for feeling this way, either! You shouldn’t be sorry your life is coming together. It’s YOUR turn to be happy with someone, and if friends don’t want to congratulate or recognize that, it’s their issue. Let them dwell on it while you continue to work on bettering your life without them. If enough friends start throwing their bitterness on you like yesterday’s perfume, you are going to stink (and no one wants a smelly girlfriend).

Promote Maturity To Best Friend Status

So maybe your friends are not as welcoming as your boyfriend’s friends. Instead of purging them out of your life, indulge in those groups who support your happiness instead of pretending it doesn’t exist. Misery loves company, but that doesn’t mean you respond to its invites. But these friends have been with me forever! Which is WHY your happiness should mean a lot more to them, and if it doesn’t, then you can’t let them cling onto you anymore. Friends can still be jealous, but stay supportive. They can still congratulate you, and keep any feelings of bitterness to themselves. How? They have mastered what it means to be MATURE. There have been times where my friends moved up the ladder faster than me or casually mentioned how many figures are in their paycheck, but I still smile and say, “That’s awesome!”. Do I bitch about it to my other friends? Of course I do, but I recognize it’s because I’m jealous. I aim to work harder instead of sabotaging my friend’s happiness due to my frustration.

Never Second-Guess The Good

When all else fails, trust the relationship you are developing. Trust the good is tangible, not untouchable. Even if you seem to be the only couple who’s happy in your circle of friends (or the world), embrace the strength of that bond. Don’t let your mind falsify or minimize itself. I know when females enter a relationship that’s “too good to be true”, they expect something horrible to happen. When it does, they aren’t surprised and go into what I call “Eeyore mode” — they mope around feeling sorry for themselves. Wanna know why it really happened? Because they WANTED it to. To prove their theory right that all men are horrible, when I guarantee that “horrible” event was blown up from something insignificant. Females have masochistic minds and we are great at keeping it that way. My advice is to knock it off and quit second-guessing the good. As I mentioned in the first tip, you deserve to be happy. The more you doubt, the more “they” win — the Eeyores in your life who want to hold a rain cloud over your apartment until the sun comes their way. You found real love! Actively enjoy it before you both become wrinkly and expire. Take it and run, Forrest, run.

That’s how you really win.

2 Comments
  • Vishal
    July 18, 2013

    Oh hey Nina… Great post 🙂

    While I am no one to comment on these situations (being a guy), I wish more women would think like you. That will make relations much smoother…

    Cheers!

    • ohheynina
      September 7, 2013

      Just getting around to reading this, in the middle of revamping the blog. Thanks so much. It makes me happy when men read my posts, as well.

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