I Can’t Help You If You Won’t Help You

10304778_10100356741060293_633179186801069271_nLately, I’ve been hearing too many complaints about what people don’t have. It’s either the job, the significant other, the money, the apartment, the “life”. Even worse, if not complaining, they are dwelling in this assumption of “being without”.

Their perspective is why I write the following.

If my posts give you a sense of self-worth or refreshing outlook, then in my mind, I won. I want you to improve your life, relationships, and everything in-between. However, in regards to being ridiculously unhappy, there is a line I can’t cross. I can’t quit your meaningless job for you. I can’t force your girlfriend to trust more or your boyfriend to understand empathy. I can’t move you to your dream city, or take that overdue vacation for you (I would if I could).

I will continue to write paragraphs upon paragraphs encouraging you make those decisions and trust in risk, which is an insane concept to trust in. However, I still can’t physically make you follow through with necessary life adjustments, which is where my underlying disappointment and urgency come into play.

To me, life is about sacrificing a bit of comfort while minimizing the amount of disdain you have to endure. We have all sensed when we have overstayed our welcome at a job or relationship, but we can’t open Pandora’s box of change and the unknown. We stubbornly don’t want to start over after building this routine that is literally draining the best parts out of us. Yet we must.

I urge you to step outside of what you know and go the other direction. I beg you to change your attitude, your social circle, your job, if you spend most of your day complaining or feeling inadequate. Most of all, I suggest you stop this unhealthy cycle of regurgitating your negatives onto someone’s positives and instead, fix your damn life.

When you are excessively spewing hatred for your life onto others, you are the venom in their milkshake. The weeds in their garden. The leak in their faucet of optimism. Your friends and family want to love you, but you are poisoning the paths they are trying to succeed on just because you can’t see past your temporary obstacles. Fight, for goodness sake! Turn that anger into energy, into action, into strength, and kick the shit out of those disappointments. If you aren’t going to make a better reality for yourself, then you might as well throw that beautiful potential outside to mingle with the failures of the world.

Yet we both know you aren’t a failure, my friend. I see your life as an avenue for happiness and fulfillment.

My current status isn’t exactly peachy, but I work hard to make it worthwhile. I vent to my best friends when I need to and then fill the rest of my hours with proactive choices to get me to a better horizon. I actually consider myself a pessimist, but I manifest more positive moments in my daily life than some optimists I know. It’s because my attention is mainly focused on working towards a kick-ass life and a stellar soul.

Do you pout on behalf of your friend’s struggles if she asks for help? No. You fucking help her. So why are you treating your life, when it asks for help, as a chore? Get up and lend a hand to the most important person in your world: YOU. Can’t you see how absurd it is to cheat yourself of a better existence while you are the first to help improve a friend’s life? I commend you for being selfless, but my darling, you must always help yourself in the process. How else will you grow and move forward? In my eyes, if you aren’t moving, you’re pretty much dead…and there’s nothing worse than being dead before death.

I’ll detour from the morbid talk, but I need you to realize my words and the people in your life can only do so much. We all know I will continue to write until the end of [blog] time to encourage and amplify your greatness. However, to create and fight for a life worth living…I can’t do that for you if you’re not willing to do it for yourself. If he dumped your ass or she fired you, go show ’em what Bukowski meant when he said what matters most is how you walk through the fire. Continue to fucking walk.

And walk. And walk. And walk.

  • Chanique
    October 2, 2014

    Absolutely love this!

    • Nina
      October 2, 2014

      Thank you my darling!

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