THIS WEEK’S QUESTION: “I hit it off with someone, but found out he’s in an open relationship. He seems to be fine with this lifestyle, but I am not. How do I avoid inevitably falling for a guy who sees other women?”
I’ll state the obvious first. This dude isn’t your dream man. We both know if someone asked you, “What’s your dream man like?”, your response wouldn’t be, “Someone who dates and has sex with other women simultaneously, and is okay with it! HOTTIE!” I’ll go a step further and say you know this dude isn’t even remotely a decent guy…not for you, anyway. How? You’ve already admitted you are not okay with his behavior, but are capable of falling for him — polygamous flaws and all.
This is what women do. We are great at recognizing when someone doesn’t fit our ideals, yet continue to move forward with seeing him! I have many theories as to why this happens. We don’t want to be alone. We think he can change. We don’t want to miss out on a *great* love affair. We want to get laid. We are addicted to unusual situations (which I suspect you are). He is super hot. I could go on and on.
Coming from someone who knows the thrill of this situation, you have two options. Stop talking/seeing him immediately or continue seeing him with the knowledge that this is only temporary. Revel in the hot nights, the sensual dates, the texts that leave you smiling — along with the poetic agony that he is not the end game. Eventually you will want to be MONO with him, but he won’t have the balls to make it so. It doesn’t mean he wouldn’t want to or doesn’t love being with you, but there are factors in his life that are more important, and he will choose them over solely committing to you.
How to avoid the inevitable? You have to literally avoid it, or succumb to the emotional masochism of sharing your lover. Frankly, if you’re going to waste your time on someone who will break your heart, at least choose a guy who isn’t so obvious. “Loves being second-best” is not your Twitter tagline. You are a First Lady. Choose wisely…–Have a question? Ask away via Facebook or Twitter with #OhHeyNina!–