Ladies, Think Like Your Mom in a Relationship

thinking momLeave Freud out of this, I’m speaking to all you insecure females out there. If you want to improve your mental energy in relationships, you need to channel your mom. Here’s why…

Mothers are proud of their sons.

Did your boyfriend get a new job? Is he moving? Did he score that break-through role in La-La land? As a girlfriend, we usually take the “I’m scared shitless because I’m losing control” route when something significant happens in our partner’s life. SO MUCH SO that we forget to congratulate or feel happy for him. I can tell you any good mom would praise her son for his accomplishments and sincerely want to know everything about it. “You got a new job? Congratulations! Where is it? What are you doing? I am so happy for you!” And what would an insecure girlfriend do? Give small praise while only asking questions that would benefit her. “Who are you working with? Does this change our routine? When would we see each other?” Of course it will change your routine, honey, but that’s life. Adapting is a skill most humans have, but never utilize. Mothers adapt every time they have a new child, new job, or new house…and then a hundred times more when her family goes through changes! Because of this, they have no room for pessimism, and neither should you. If you swear on (GAME OF THRONES SPOILER) Robb Stark’s grave you have never felt this insecurity, you are either the best girlfriend in the country…or a liar. Unless he’s already on the plane without you, stop worrying about the bad and focus on the fact he wants to keep you in his life despite the change. That’s GOOD news!

Mothers want their sons to succeed.

This ties in with being proud. Okay, so you are happy for him, but do you really want his small role to turn into a multi-million dollar break with gorgeous actresses? Do you REALLY want him to get promoted to CEO in Hong Kong? There comes a point where you have to decide if you want to sacrifice comfort for security. Unfortunately, this comes with a lot of back-and-forth scenarios us women love to create. Well, if he gets promoted, we can start a family…BUT he won’t be around eight months out of the year…maybe he should just stay for us. I’m not saying these situations don’t require more communication from your partner, but as a mother, she wants her son winning that award, owning that successful business, creating a good life for himself. In other words, she has his back. And if he’s a good son, he’ll have hers. So unless he wants to, your boyfriend won’t create a life separately from you, because hopefully you have plans of your own in which he wants you to succeed. Communicating these dreams will develop your relationship way farther than discouraging them. Drop the selfish bit and start acting like his teammate, not his opponent.

Mothers don’t take facebook seriously.

If you’re lucky, his mother doesn’t have a facebook, or if she does, she uses it to post cute pictures of Calvin & Hobbes and doesn’t know how to work her news feed. Regardless, when a mom sees a picture of her son with a few girls, she comments “How cute!” and already forgets about it. What do you do when you see the same picture? I guarantee “How cute!” is no where in your mind. If it’s innocent, or if the girls are good friends…why AREN’T you thinking that? All girls have interior motives. They’re all sluts!  Yeah, I know…except they’re not. Of course there’s always a few who like to start trouble, but if your boyfriend is a smart guy (which he should be, no losers allowed), he can recognize the ridiculousness and ignore it. Ya know who else would ignore it? HIS MOM. She is too busy juggling the facets of her life to be concerned with what Suzy posted on Russell’s page. I agree the generation gaps are there, but what is facebook going to do for your relationship? Ruin it? Probably. (Hey, at least he’ll still have his mom…)

Mothers don’t deal with bullshit.

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather get in trouble with my sergeant stepfather than my mother. Mothers don’t mess around. They know what they want, have gone through enough, and don’t have time for your lies. If your boyfriend didn’t come home one night, would his mother give him another chance (like you)? NO! She’d ground his ass or at least teach him a lesson about respecting who you live with. Do you think your boyfriend respects you? Not if he skips coming home or “forgets” to tell you where he is. Don’t treat him like a child unless he acts like one, you’re allowed that. This also corresponds with honesty. If you suspect your guy isn’t being truthful, approach him like an adult and discuss it. Don’t post on Twitter or complain to your girlfriends without putting forth an active effort to fix things. Channel the right amount of fierceness so your partner respects you, just like his mother would. There’s the old phrase guys treat their girlfriends like they do their mothers. So pay attention.

Coming from someone who has played the unnecessary “mom” role in relationships, there is a time and place to break these out. Don’t enable your boyfriend or treat him like an actual son (I feel strange to even mention this, but not everyone is so bright). DO, however, ease up a bit and love him unconditionally. Cheer for him. Help him. Communicate. Life’s too short to be anything but a support system for someone who treats you right. Take notes, ladies. Mothers already have.

  • Jacquelyn
    May 4, 2014

    JUST found your site Nina. And Amen to the whole mother thing. I think a great girlfriend is part-girlfriend, part-mother. I help him to keep his shit together and stay focused- it makes him function better. Men who have a stressful job needs someone to crack the whip & keep shit organized. He loves that I’m “a little bossy” (I like to call it assertive- LOL) & I love that I have found a good balance.

    • Nina
      May 4, 2014

      Good for you, girl! There’s nothing sexier than knowing yourself and the strength you bring to the partnership. Your guy is a lucky one. Glad you found me! Cheers.

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