Nina’s Cement Wall(s)

realtalkbigI’ve been avoiding writing this post, but I guess it’s time. Certain discoveries are sometimes too important to not point out. I’ve come to realize (with no help from myself) that I’ve been stuck in this reputation. Nina doesn’t want to get married. Nina hates kids. Nina doesn’t like Disneyland. Nina won’t enjoy any sport unless it’s hockey. Nina won’t cook. Nina isn’t romantic. Nina doesn’t need a guy. Nina prefers being alone.

Some of those things remain true, but they’re indefinite. I don’t think the people who know me realize that. In fact, I have been stuck with those traits for quite some time, without any room to change. The kicker is, I am probably told more than anything else that my personality is relieving. So where the hell do I go from there? People apparently like who I am, yet when it comes to certain things, I am forced to continue to live by my book – REGARDLESS if I say otherwise. “I may get a Disneyland pass.” But you don’t like Disneyland. “I think I’ll try making this recipe.” But you hate cooking. “I think you should stay.” But you like being alone.

I’m not denying I joke about these traits, because you have to, but when they start to cripple ANY progress you wish to make in a relationship…it’s time to reevaluate. What if I want to make a recipe for the holidays? What if I feel like going to a game? Or pretend I’m not annoyed with annoying children at Disneyland? What if I want to watch a child grow up, and that [insanely attractive] kid happens to be mine? Aren’t I a female? Am I not allowed to change my mind? I thought that was in the contract. I either have to stop making fun of myself, or teach people to not take me so literally. Am I going to cook dinner tomorrow? Absolutely not, there’s leftovers. Will I wish I was more transparent? Probably. I’m ready to be someone I’m “not”. I want to surprise people. I want to surprise myself. I think within everyone’s cement walls, we secretly want someone to see us. So, who do you see this time?

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