Why Opening Your Mouth is ESSENTIAL For Good Sex (and it’s not what you think)

IMG_0689Nina’s talking about sex! Watch out! (Disclaimer: This is real talk at my finest, so if you’re a bit sensitive to these topics, well, keep reading. You need it the most.)

I am frustrated listening to stories about women who haven’t had an orgasm until their early thirties, or haven’t enjoyed sex because they let their partner do what solely feels good for him. Despite really shitty (but eye-opening) statistics that make it almost impossible for women to orgasm with someone, I am convinced the main barrier is communication, along with our lack of self-esteem as a gender.

The most mind-boggling discovery about sex is humans are okay with stripping down and getting in awkward positions with another human (sometimes a stranger), but they are terrified to talk about what they like. Women have the opportunity of FINALLY reaching consistent orgasms and enjoying sex if they only spoke up….and yet it remains unpracticed. I’ve even heard my female friends admit that discussing how to achieve orgasm with their guy is “too much work”. I empathize that my gender got the short end of the stick with a complicated sex organ, BUT why does that mean we should roll over and play dead (or “aroused”) so our partner can mistakenly think we are having a good time? That’s just as insulting as bluntly telling your man his “lovemaking” sucks. If you think back to how many times you’ve had sex and how many times you’ve made it to the finish line, would the ratio be in your favor? It should be, my darlings, and there is no other person to fix that but YOU.

Ladies, if you would rather coordinate your weekly schedule during sex instead of having fun, I challenge you to open your mouth and tell your partner what YOU would like. I know this sounds 100% scary (and it is). However, if he isn’t a self-involved jerk, I promise you will make his day. A woman’s sexual satisfaction is extremely confusing to a man, so revealing what works is — as far as he’s concerned — a gift from the sex gods. Have I mentioned there is also nothing to be ashamed of? I realize the descriptive words we use in bed are not the same ones we say to our fathers, but regardless, you must bite the bullet and speak up. I guarantee there isn’t much you could say that would make your man leave the room in refusal. You’re in a partnership, aren’t you? Both of you have needs that should be recognized. I’ve told you before, guys aren’t mind readers despite us desperately wanting them to be. We must help them along the way.

I understand if high self-esteem isn’t your forte, but clearly you are able to take your clothes off for your man without the world ending. What’s an extra dialogue or hand motion to show how your lady parts work? All he needs is a simple, I really like it when you do this… or That feels good, don’t stop doing that… for him to understand he’s getting extra brownie points tonight.

So before I let you run off into the Sexual Sahara, I am giving you three Nina challenges to conquer this week so your partner can conquer you correctly:

  1. Tell your partner what he’s doing right at least once during play time.
  2. Show your partner one move that gets you on the “O” train. (Do NOT fake anything or I will come over there and slap you…but if you like that sort of thing, you get bonus points for admitting it.)
  3. Have sex with the lights on. You are HOT, girrrl. Show your man you know this!

Now get out there and start revealing what makes that sexy body of yours shake. Remember ladies, before we open our mouths for our partners, we must speak from them, first. I believe in you.

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