Why I’ve Avoided A (Sincere) Post About Online Dating

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Throughout the months, I’ve happily let my kick-ass guest writers post opinions about these websites suggesting matches for the millennial race and beyond. However, despite my consistent activity on OkCupid, I’ve always shuddered whenever my friends would suggest me writing a genuine post about it. Until now.

Before 2013, I hated the thought of “dating online” and would only develop relationships with men I knew organically. Then, pigs began to fly and I decided to REALLY DO IT one stormy (but probably sunny) day in February. I posted my pictures and answered the 200+ questions. After a few weeks and three dates later, I would meet the guy I shared the majority of a year with, until the stars were no longer in our favor. So back to online dating I went…

Yet it felt different.

I wasn’t meeting my “soulmate” after one month of re-joining. I wasn’t texting excessively or going on a crap ton of dates. I wasn’t meeting anyone whom I felt could get me over this extremely lucky and rare 2013 instance of meeting a serious boyfriend via the internet.

I agree with what my fellow lady-writers have said regarding this kind of dating — the manners are lacking, the neediness excessive, the chances slim-to-none.

Could it be this “putting yourself out there” notion doesn’t sustain the majority of my lonely generation like we’ve all been told? I used to highly suggest my friends create profiles and join OkC, but what statistics do I actually have? I know couples who have met in parking lots, but I would never suggest hanging out at Whole Foods on a Saturday (unless you needed aloe vera juice, or something).

Maybe society’s expectation of online dating should be dialed back a tad. Everything I’ve ever known about love requires strict timing and circumstance. It does not matter what medium you are using or where you actively decide to order your A.M Venti Chai. Even if you get lucky as I did, you can still meet and lose “the one”. Nothing is promised and no one is obligated to stick it out with you — no matter how much his mom or dog may love you.

Despite my relationship odysseys, I would never tell you to quit online dating, give up on love, and start staring at the ceiling for the rest of your life. I still think love is the best kind of hangover and worth any annoying trek it takes to get there and keep it, BUT you have to remain patient. You have to believe you are someone worth waiting and fighting for. I don’t believe there is any other way to obtain this ultimate bedroom-frolicking, soul-sharing bond than to love the shit out of yourself and know that’s more than enough…

So what now, Nina? I just have to sit here and love myself? Well, sorta. Live your life, play the field, write a blog post that makes the opposite gender mad, but for what it’s worth, stop dwelling on that emptiness in your heart and in your bed (unless it’s providing you income, then dwell on it, my creative friends!). Use online dating as a tool to keep an open heart instead of a promise of a happy future. Accept where you are in this ridiculous (but fascinating) journey and don’t ever regret what has been left in the past. It will resurface if it needs to. You will find what you ought to.

1 Comment
  • Wes
    August 21, 2014

    Love happens whenever it wants. Until then, Tinder or bust.

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