Why Sex Should Be More Like A Waxing Appointment

massageThe bikini/brazilian wax.

Ladies, you’ve all done it. Or at least had a friend who made you try it (and sat in the same room while you were getting it done). The esthetician’s space is a sacred area where 15-minute friendships are made. Once you’ve had the experience of a young female or older Armenian lady pouring hot wax onto your baby-maker, you can’t really pretend to be shy (even if you are). Luckily, I’ve only had positive experiences with estheticians, which lead me to this recently developed theory: Sex should be more like a bikini wax.

Level with me. When you’ve been seeing a guy and the time to get intimate has come, what do you worry about the most? Your physical appearance. Am I too fat? Am I too thin? Did I shave my legs? Did I shave my big toe? Is there a pimple on my butt? How can I hide my cellulite? Will he notice that oddly shaped mole?! Maybe I should remove my lightbulbs. 

Now, when you walk into your waxing appointment, do you think of these things? Hardly. If you do, it doesn’t upset your whole morning or make you break out in hives (if that’s the case, you should probably stick to shaving). For the rest of the female population, we walk into the room, say hello/hug our esthetician (I love mine!) and strip down as if we’re taking a lovely stroll around Woodstock. Then, she directs your legs whichever way as you discuss the important matters of the world.

What do I discuss with my esthetician? Lately, we’ve been trying to figure out if “On Demand” TV is worth it. I kid you not, for ten minutes we were comparing prices while she was inches way from my (insert nickname here). Usually we discuss the last movie we saw (it’s actually a bit of a film club we have going on) and laugh about the weirdos in Los Angeles. Does she mention any blemishes or embarrassing body flaws? Nope. Does she tell me to lose weight as soon as I lay on her “bed”? Absolutely not. It’s true love, really. The type of connection, I believe, would be great for sex.

Think about it. If you knew tonight was the night with Mr. I’m-So-Handsome-and-Charming, wouldn’t you want to walk into his bedroom with ease? Give him a kiss and immediately strip off clothes (or let him take them off) WITHOUT that horrible checklist running through your head? Bonus if you happen to figure out a great deal for “On Demand”. It would be like killing (or heavily petting) two birds with one stone! There would be no worry of rude comments or judgments, only acceptance with a side of fun. Easy as pie — the kind I wouldn’t mind having twice.

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