You really thought I would only give the boys a piece of my mind? This week is your turn, ladies. We need to be reminded of a few truths while on this journey of finding requited love (with others AND ourselves). Put the iPhone down (unless you’re reading this precious post via iOS), grab a bottle of wine, and savor these sincere yet oh-so-candid words. I want you to win against the biggest pain in the ass of all: yourself.
DO NOT CONSISTENTLY PUT MORE ENERGY, tears, money, sanity, strength, mileage, breath or empathy into someone MORE than you would put into yourself. It is not your obligation to fix another person’s problems unless you are a professional counselor. Believing in someone does not mean they will live up to your standards at any time. It does not mean they will see the light you brightly shine upon them. They may, in fact, hoard and discard that gorgeous light. You will never get that aspect of yourself back when it’s used up, in the trash. Keep the biggest portion for yourself. Your life comes first. Always.
IF YOUR HEARTBROKEN FRIEND CALLS you three times a day, pick up the phone and listen. Even if it’s interrupting your Scandal marathon, let her repeat herself and come to the same conclusions you already knew until her sanity resets for the next hour. She will return the favor when it’s your turn to call three times a day. You need friends like that.
DO NOT APOLOGIZE for who you are. Do not intentionally push people away, either. There is a balance between “I don’t need anyone” and “I can change for you”. Find that and do not go off the beaten path. If you do, you will instead find yourself to be extremely lonely or someone you don’t recognize in the mirror anymore.
WHEN YOUR HEAD FITS PERFECTLY into the crevasse of his shoulder, and your bodies are sweetly suctioned together as you bask in the comfort of a Saturday night – breathe in, and thank your life for that moment. You will not have it forever.
(When it’s time for the above moment to set sail in the opposite direction, the hurt will still be significant; the tears will still come. Let them. It is a blessing to feel so strongly.)
FORGIVE YOURSELF. We all act ugly sometimes. Those who never have will eventually face their demons with no one to console them (and it won’t be pretty). You don’t want to be like them. You want to face the moments you created. The ways you have acted. This is all a step toward winning the grand prize of “knowing thyself”.
TELL OTHERS YOU ARE HAPPY FOR THEM and mean it. Especially if someone gets engaged on the same day your heart was broken. Especially if your roommate finds a job when you have been searching for longer. These are the moments where you will learn about humility. This is where true growth happens, which will benefit you for the rest of your life.
IF YOU KNOW SOMETHING from the depths of your heart, then know this, too – there is always the possibility it can change.
LOVE THE SHIT OUT OF YOURSELF. Loving yourself leads to knowing yourself, which is the best revelation you can have. Once you love, and you know, no one can burn you as badly as you’ve been burned before. No one can tell you to change, because you already have chosen what you want to work on for YOUR OWN good. If you love yourself, you will not allow yourself to love another who doesn’t accept you, doesn’t appreciate you, or make you think you have to be more like him. You are (first name) fucking (last name), and you demand a worthy lover who wants to make sweet love with the person you already are. You are more than enough. Chant this every day. (It works, I promise you, and I hate using the word “promise”.) You will find what you deserve…or it will find you. Above all things, trust in that.